To the people who stole my little girls pumpkins

To the people who stole my little girls pumpkins,

 If you are, or you know the people who stole my little girls four pumpkins from our front yard this weekend, I have a message for you. If you are thinking about stealing someone's pumpkins from their yard, you might want to read this too.

See, I know they are just pumpkins. I know you were out, bored and desperate from something to do on the weekend night, and you saw some pumpkins and thought " Hey, let's steal those pumpkins and smash them in other peoples yards...that'll be fun". Well, here is the back story you don't know.

We took out little girl to a pumpkin patch to get those pumpkins. I am out of work, and my husband barely makes enough for our little family to get by, but we set aside money to let our little girl get some pumpkins at the pumpkin patch. When we walked through the pumpkin patch, Mia ( did I tell you my little girl's name is Mia?) ran around, so excited and picked out a whole bunch of pumpkins- five to be exact. She carted the little red wagon behind her, naming each and every pumpkin. The littlest one, that's baby pumpkin. The next smallest one, that's sissy pumpkin. The two medium sized ones, those are mommy pumpkin and auntie pumpkin. The largest one, which you decided was too big to steal and throw carelessly and thoughtlessly onto someone's driveway, that is daddy pumpkin. I have included pictures of my little girl picking out her pumpkins, so that you can see her face and how excited she was pick out her little family of pumpkins.

Anyway, I have promised her all week that we would make jack-o-lanterns on Sunday. She has been asking about them, and every time there is a pumpkin picture somewhere ( on TV, on a magazine at the store), she has reminded me that we are going to make faces on baby, sissy, mommy, auntie, and daddy. So, you can only imagine how broken hearted Mia was when we walked outside this morning, and all but daddy pumpkin were gone. She asked me why they went bye bye. When I told her dad, my husband, she looked up and asked why someone would take her pumpkins. What should I tell my little girl? Should I tell her that some people didn't think she deserved the pumpkins that she so carefully picked out and loved so much? Should I tell her that your longing to smash pumpkins because you were bored on a weekend night was more important than how much she wanted to make faces on baby, sissy, mommy and auntie pumpkin? Do I have to explain to my little girl that we can't afford to get her any more pumpkins because mommy can't find work and we can't pay our rent and buy her food if we buy more pumpkins? You tell me- what should I tell her! Do I have to crush my little girls innocent heart by cluing her in, at the tender age of almost three, that people are heartless, cold, thoughtless, and only concerned with their own amusement?

So, I am writing this to let people in on a little secret. When you steal from someone, you could be breaking a little girl's heart. When you take what is not yours, you are taking from people that might not have a lot, but they are trying to provide for the kids that they love more than anything. You saw my house, it's modest at best. You saw our cars, both used, older model but safe vehicles. Did it ever occur to you " Hey, these people don't look like they have a lot, maybe they worked really hard to give their little girl some pumpkins for Halloween?" I'm guessing not.

I am not a religious person, but I do believe that the universe works in balance.  Not because of karma or some universal distribution of crappiness, but because you bring onto yourself how you see the world. In your crusade to entertain yourself, you have turned the table onto yourself, and when something bad happens to you, you need to know that it is because you have taken from another. It is only in your heart that you know the truth, and the truth is that you are a cold, heartless, and thoughtless person who has single-handedly broken my little girls heart. My recommendation is that you make amends with the universe quickly. Give a bottle of water to a homeless person. Help an old lady with her groceries. Smile at a little kid at Walmart. You need to do something to make your soul better, because this is not about some pumpkins- this is about what kind of person you are, and what your effect on the world is.

This letter is to let you know that all your actions have very real and very direct consequences to people who are far more innocent than you are. While you, someone old enough to drive a car and experience more of the world, were able to experience...what, 20 or 30 seconds of Halloween thrill.. my two year old- A TWO YEAR OLD, was treated to the cruel realization that the world can be a cruel and thoughtless place, when all her mommy and daddy wanted to do was make Halloween magical for her.

That is what your actions have done.

If you are a teacher or someone who has kids, please feel free to share this with them. I hope it clues them into why stealing is wrong.

THIS IS A LIBERAL, LEFTIST SOCIAL PROGRESSIVE, SOCIALIST OBAMA SUPPORTER RESPONSE TO THE FOLLOWING "LETTER" THAT WAS RECENTLY POSTED ON FACEBOOK.




HERE IS THE "ORIGINAL LETTER"

To: All American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al. From: John J. Wall - a Conservative American
Dear Liberals, Leftists, and Socialists:
We've stuck together since the late 1950's, but the latest election process and your bailout stimulus plan has made me realize that I want a divorce.Although we've tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, the sad truth is that the relationship between conservatives and liberals has run its course.
SEPARATION AGREEMENT PROPOSAL
I propose that our two groups - Conservatives and Liberals - equitably divide up the country by land-mass, each of us taking approximately 50% of the total square miles. I'll concede that this is the most difficult part of the separation agreement, but I'm sure our two sides can come to terms.
After that's done, the rest should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.For example, we conservatives don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them! They're all yours!
You are also welcome to take the liberal judges, the ACLU, the affirmative action crowd, the NAACP, and the National Organization of Women. We don't want any of them.We also don't want Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. You can have them.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take the firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.
Along with Pelosi and Reid, you can also have Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all of them).
We'll take the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, McDonald's, and Wall Street.
You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll take the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks.
We'll take the Bibles. You can have all the copies of the "Communist Manifesto."
We'll take Fox News. You can have NBC, CNN, MSNBC, CBS, ABC and Hollywood. You can also have National Public Television.
We get Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. You get Al Franken and Keith Oberman.
You can make nice and kiss up to Iran and Palestine . We'll retain the right to invade and hammer the crap out of any country that threatens us.
You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain.
You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We get the Hummers, SUVs, pickup trucks, motorhomes, oversized luxury cars, power boats, Harley Davidsons, and private airplanes.
You can have all of the 4-cylinder and hybrid vehicles. You get the mopeds. You can also have all the kayaks and canoes.
You can give every one of your people healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors.
We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
We'll keep "God Bless America " and the National Anthem.
You can have "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "KumBaYa", and "We Are the World".
We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.
And by the way . . . since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.


In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need the other's help in 15 years.
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda and Alec Baldwin. We don't want them either.

HERE IS OUR RESPONSE TO THAT LETTER:

To: The right wing, 'family values', conservative, "capitalism is more important than democracy", et. al

From: Noel Edman Bullard, a liberal human being

Re: Separation Agreement

Okay now this is something we can work with! While we are at it, let’s clarify the deal, so there is no confusion. 

First, the land mass. Since we hold the majority in most metropolitan areas, I’m assuming we get New York City, LA, San Francisco, San Diego, Seattle, Portland, Phoenix, Miami, Atlanta, New Orleans, Washington DC, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Chicago, and Boston. You get to keep Salt Lake City ( trust me, we don’t want it), Dallas ( we get Austin), Omaha, Tulsa, Anchorage, Boise, Knoxville, San Antonio ( although I don’t know who will be left there after you kick out all of the Mexicans, but it’s yours nonetheless), and we’ll even throw in Detroit- since your all about those wonderful American cars!

We will be happy to take the UCLU, the NAACP, and NOW, but when your law enforcement is listening in on your phone calls to make sure you aren’t having immoral thoughts…well, I’m just saying it’s nice to have something like the ACLU to back you up if you need it. Additionally, I’m sorry if your African American population will miss having an organization that acts as a watchdog to make sure they are not being treated poorly- I’m sure all 15 of them will miss it. As for the NOW- well, I know you have so many women in positions of power in your big corporations- and since at least 52% of corporate big wigs are women, keeping perfectly in line with the population, you don’t really need that anyway, do you?

Yes, we hate guns and war- so you can have them. We will take a more strict approach- like having to have your gun strictly registered and monitored- like they do in Australia, Canada, and England. Meanwhile, we will enjoy the incredibly low rate of gun violence those countries share- while you can deal with the 14.24 of every 100,000 gun related deaths the US currently has. We will take the 3.05 of every 100,000 that England has. 

As for war, we have no problem taking a more diplomatic view and creating a military that is based on protecting its people, instead of inciting a war over oil- and speaking of oil…man, with all those American SUV’s, you’re going to need it! While we are driving our foreign hybrids that are coming out of efficient factories and getting 40 plus miles per gallon, you can be at the mercy of OPEC and your oil companies who are making record profits off of you Hummers…because, hey, that’s what capitalism is all about, right? You can work really hard to get a car that gets 12 miles to the gallon, and some other guy can make $9.00 a gallon on gas because he wants a new private jet! Your system is working great! 

Oh, and you should really get started on that off shore drilliing and building refineries, since it takes about 35 years to get them up and running, and by then, we will be running off renewable resources- but your system really will work better, because I think this whole "technology" thing has really run it's course.

And, while we are talking about capitalism, let’s talk about your pharmaceutical companies who have no restrictions- because your health is really just an opportunity to make money. So you can have them, and when they finally figure out a medication that helps unclog your arteries from years of eating your McDonalds, they can charge you $75 a day for that pill- because that is capitalism. Although, most of those labs are overseen by scientist- ya know that pesky science and how it’s always interfering with what the bible says- they might not be too keen to work in a country that insists that evolution doesn’t exists- but I’m sure you’ll be just fine! 

And Walmart- you can have that too- because when we say buy American- we sorta mean it, and we will take the little mom and pop stores over Chinese imports… Oh, wait- you don’t want to work with China ( those commie bastards) so, now your ‘rollbacks’ aren’t so rolled back- so it looks like your paying the same amount as we are. Oh, so sad!

Hey, by the way, how is that Wall St. working out for you these days?

Homeboys, Hippies, and Illegal Aliens- yup- we love ‘em! And while you are paying $8.00 a pound for oranges because every one of those people picking them are making at least minimum wage, well- they will be the tastiest oranges ever because it’s all about keeping it ‘all American!” ( Oh, by the way- of your Hockey mom’s, your greedy CEO’s, and the rednecks, who do you think will be the one picking those oranges? I’m just saying, rednecks, you’ve been warned).

Fox New- you can have that- it will not be missed. I prefer actual news, like every other station that has been mentions. You’ve got it all figured out- in a list of every major news organization, only ONE is truthful and honest- that seems likely! Hollywood- yeah, we’ll take it- we like movies! You can watch Magnum PI reruns and the 700 club, because we will be taking- well, every other television station. 

Healthcare- you’ve got it figured out- it’s a for profit industry. We will be more than happy to take what every other major industrialized nation has- a socialized standard of medicine where we have doctors who actually CARE about taking care of people, no matter how much they get paid. I actually prefer to have a doctor who’s vested interest is keeping me alive, instead of being another number to add to his bottom line. We will also take with us the benefits of having a decent educational system, where every child has the opportunity to become a doctor, no matter the cost involved. Your money is tied up in that nasty war over oil you’ve been fighting for 20 years, so it’s understandable that your children aren’t as well educated.

You can keep your trickle down economics- it’s been working so well! It really is the best policy to depend on the better nature of a corporation to bestow its fortune onto the people…and they do a great job at that! I mean, it’s pretty obvious that this is what they have been doing- it works out great!

Speaking of corporations, let’s get some stuff straight. We get Microsoft and Apple- so you might want to think of an alternative to Windows and your Ipod. You get Ford, GM, and Chrysler- they are in wonderful shape! You can also have American Airlines and Delta- but you might want to work out with the employees which one of our countries they want to be in, and remind them that you don’t have unions- I’m sure they won’t have a problem with that.

Religion- well, if you want the Christians- take ‘em ( although, I think most Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutheran’s might think twice, and they are more than welcome over here) . We will be more than happy to take Islam, Humanist, Buddhist, Agnostics, Atheists, because anyone can practice their religion freely in our country. See, over here, the deity of your choosing can hear you when you pray SILENTLY at school- apparently your deity doesn’t have that sorta power. As for the Jews- well, I think you should take that up with them- I feel pretty confident which side they will pick. Hey, but look on the bright side- you get the Mormons and the Jehovah’s Witnesses- now THAT is a party!

And just so we are clear- we also get all of the gays, who will be happily married- so we also get all of the fashion industry, as well as all the gay hair stylists- you guys get the bleach blond redneck lady with the frizzy perm. We get Marc Jacobs, Michael Kors, Zac Posen, and Oscar de la Renta. You get to keep the Jacqueline Smith Collection and $12 camouflage tee shirts at your beloved Walmart. 

We get most of the Music Industry- you get to keep country western and polka- you can play them on CD’s, since we have all of the computer and MP3 players (make sure those stereos were built in the USA!!)

As for the National Anthem, the flag, and the name- you can keep those- because we know that our country is really made up of- and it’s not a piece of cloth. Our country will be a representation of its people- and not just the rich ones. We will invest in every person, and not just the ones that were fortunate enough to be born into privilege. Our national anthem will be written by a 11 year old who was inspired by her school’s music program, because it’s wasn’t a casualty of a federal budget cut in order to buy a bigger and better bomb. And that 11 year old will grow up to be prosperous, because she didn’t have kids when she was 16 because she had a comprehensive sex education class that didn’t just teach her that sex is bad- but instead taught her about being safe, and how to take precautions against having children before you are ready. Meanwhile, I’m sure all of you teenagers will be perfectly well behaved- because, hey- that’s what the bible says to do, right? 

So, we are over here- working together toward a better, just nation of diversity- you can go ahead and have a country based on your Christian values, because we all know that a theocratic government works our perfectly ( Iran and Afghanistan are perfect examples).

And we will take Jane Fonda, Alex Baldwin, and Barbara Streisand. You can have Kirk Cameron, Stephan Baldwin ( hey, all those Baldwin’s are pretty much the same, right?), and most importantly- you get Heidi and Spencer!

BY THE WAY, IF YOU ARE IN ANY WAY OFFENDED BY THE FACT THAT I WROTE THIS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REMOVE ME FROM YOUR FRIENDS LIST- OUR COUNTRIES WILL BE PARTING WAYS SOON ANYWAY, AND YOU WON'T HAVE A COMPUTER ANYMORE ANYWAY, SO IT SEEMS PRETTY POINTLESS TO CONTINUE THE CHARADE.